Commedia dell'Arte & Vulgar Comedy -Commedia dell'Arte & Vulgar Comedy

Posted on 2022-09-14 by Micke Klingvall

Raggadaggadang!

This is from a student show from the fall 2001, with students that later become “Teatropen”.

Zan: Why are you lying here and litter?

Pul: I am dead, Leave the flowers and buzz off!

Zan: OK! Gives him Pantalone’s flower.

Pul: Is it that Pantalone has proposed to Signora Lucretia?

Zan: Yes.

Pul: No!

Zan: Yes.

Pul: No!

Zan: YES!

Pul: But what did Signora Lucretia answer?

Zan: She said no.

Pul: YES!

Zan: No.

Pul: Yees!!

Zan: NO!

Pul: She said no, so she wants me.

Zan: No.

Pul: Yes.

Zan: No.

Pul: Yes.

Zan: She wants a gift.

Pul: I know. I will get her one.

Zan: No, Pantalone will.

Pul: I am supposed to buy it for Pantalone.

Zan: Is it his birthday?

Pul: No.

Zan: Is it your birthday?

Pul: No!

Zan: Then it must be my birthday! Happy birthday to me, happy…

Pul: It is no-one’s birthday!

Zan: Is he Chinese?

Pul: Who?

Zan: Noh Won!

Pul: No.

Zan: Yes?

Pul: What?

Zan: Is he Chinese?

Pul: No-one is Chinese!

Zan: Just as I thought.

Pul: What?

Zan: That mister Won, the guy who has his birthday, is Chinese.

Pul: Listen up, birdbrain! No-one is Noh Won and no-one has his birthday today and I will have to go and buy a gift!!

Zan: Then mister Won will be happy.

Pul: The gift is not for any Won guy!!!

Zan: No?

Pul: No!

Zan: Oh thank you Pulcinella!

Pul: It is nor for you!!! It is for Pantalone.

Zan: Aha!

Pul: …who will give it to Signora Lucretia…

Zan: Oh!

Pul: …so she will marry him.

Zan: Oh, yes.

Pul: Do you get it?

Zan: No.

Pul: OK. Listen now. Pantaloone loves Signora Lucretia.

Zan: Yes.

Pul: And Signora Lucretia loves gifts.

Zan: Yes.

Pul: And if Signora gets a gift from Pantalone she will marry him.

Zan: Yes.

Pul: Do you get it now?

Zan: No.

The scene continues as improvisation in the same manner

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Posted on 2023-11-08 by Micke Klingvall

Pulcinella tries to convince Zanni to dress up as a Isabella

A scene from “Morens Fånge” or “The Prisoner of the Moor”. That I made with Teater Teatropen in 2002.

Zan: Are you a little moody today? Hihihi… Pulcinella is cranky.

Killekille kill Pulcinella turns

Hey you, are you sad?

Pul: Of course I am sad! You have botched my prisoner.

Zan: What prisoner?

Pul: Isabella.

Zan: Who is that?

Pul: That is the girl we have had with us the whole time.

Zan: We have?

Pul: Yes, on a leash.

Zan: She who walks around like this.

Pul: Yes.

Zan: And talks like this:

Leandro is a corny wet,
the most ridiculous I’ve met.
Still, I love him all the time,
as I whine and talk in rhyme.

Pul: Yes that’s her. Zanni I got an idea!

Zan: Wow, awesome!

Pul: You shall be Isabella.

Zan: Hahahaha… She is a girl!

Pul: Yes, but you’ll have to dress up to be…

Zan: Donanld Trump?

Pul: You’re not dumb enough.

Zan: I want to dress up as someone cool.

Pul: You will dress up like a girl.

Zan: Like Michael Jackson?

Pul: No he doesn’t count.

Zan: To whom then?

Pul: As I said: to Isabella.

Zan: Why?

Pul: Because then I can sell you to Pantalone instead.

Zan: How?

Pul: Like this: When you’ll meet Pantalone, you show him how beautiful you are in your new dress…

Zan. What dress?

Pul: The one we will dress you up in.

Zan: Aha!

Pul: Then I tell Pantalone that he can buy you for the old price of 35 coins.

Zan. I see.

Pul: Then I make up the deal with Pantalone.

Zan: Ahhh!

Pul: And then Pantalone owns you.

Zan. Yes!!!

Pul: Do you understand?

Zan: No.

Pul: You stupid wanker… You will show yourself to Pantalone in your new dress that I will dress you up in, and when I tell him he can buy you for the old price of 35 coins he will buy you and that is that and you will be Pantalone’s property. Is that clear?

Zan: No.

Pul: You birdbrain, you chicken shit, you….

Zan: Beatlehead?

Pul: Right.
Listen now! First I will dress you up in a lovely gown…

Zan. …bespangled with plumes and laces and….

Pul: Whatever! Then you will show yourself to Pantalone in that new dress.

Zan: Why?

Pul: Because then he will think you are Isabella.

Zan: Ridiculous.

Pul: Yes, but then I sell you to Pantalone. And you become his.

Zan: But I am mine.

Pul: No, you will be Isabella and that is his daughter.

Zan: Oh Leandro, where are you now?
I will find you there somehow.

Pul: No, come back. We are going to sell you.

Zan: Yes!

Pul: So are you with me now?

Zan: No!

Pul: Why not?

Zan: I don’t want to.

Pul: But you little creep…

Pulcinella hunts Zanni – Akro lazzo

Zanni gets stuck upside-down on his shoulder

Pulcinella out

Filed in 1 Commedia dell'Arte, Example texts | Comment Now

Posted on 2023-05-19 by Micke Klingvall

Pulcinella thinks Petunia is in love with him

From ”Det allra löjligaste” played by Teater Teatropen in 2003

Pulcinella enters and hears

Pet: Aparte Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! The cooest… the handsomest… Did you see? He is sooo cool He is just sooo …and sooo stunning.

Pul: Oh! Am I?

Pet: …the most groovy guy on this planet.

Pul: Asch!

Pet: So strong and manley.

Pul: Well…

Pet: I am sooo in love with him!.

Pul: Heheheh…

Pet: Just think: if he is in love with me……

Pul: I am!

Pet: Wow! …and I’m just standing here…

Pul: To Petunia …and I am standing here.

Pet: Discusted And?… So what?

Pul: You are standing there and I am here …

Pet: So? Do you think I am blind or?

Pul: No…

Pet: I am standing here talking about the greatest love of my life …

Pul: Yes, and now I am here.

Pet: Listen, I don’t even know if my love is answered.

Pul: It is!

Pet: Is it?

Pul: Yes, very much.

Pet: Aparte Wow, the louse sort of knows Florindo somehow. To Pulcinella. Wow how cool! Then we can marry.

Pul: Do you want that?

Pet: Yes, of course.

Pul: But after just one date?

Pet: Hey! What do you think? Off course we shall marry, so we can make babies and all of that.

Pul: Yes, yes, yes it will be great!

Pet: But then it is Pantalone, my dad. He will probably don’t approve it.

Pul: Why not?

Pet: Because he don’t want me to marry a young, snub-nosed tenderfoot.

Pul: There is no risk of that.

Pet: Why not?

Pul: If I just meet your dad I will asure him not to be afraid of any young little snubbydubby.

Pet: Yees! Then we can marry anyway!

Pul: Sure!

Pet: So hey! What are you waiting for? Run away to daddy! Hurry up! Aparte. Yes! Now I can marry Florindo for real.

Pul: Hurray! I just have to show myself for the old man and then I will marry Petunia.

Pet: Hey! Stop now! What are you talking about? Goes towards Pulcinella.

Pul: About when we are getting married – you and I. Just think about it the whole church filled with flowers and……

Pet: It won’t be any of that you little repulsive creep!

Pul: Aparte She called me her own little creep. To Petunia It doesn’t matter.

Pet: What?

Pul: Forget the flowers.

Pet: Aparte. I can’t look at the beast. Hides her face in her hands. Get lost!

Pul: Plays peekaboo. Peekaboo, here I am again, your own little creepiydeepy.

Pulcinella paws at Petunia.

Pet: Get lost you warty baboon. Takes away his hand.

Pul: Takes Petunias hand. Two souls and just one thought – two hearts that beats like one. But first a kiss.

Pet: Petunia throws Pulcinella in a judo throw. Piss off I said. It won’t happen!

Pul: Aparte Oh she is so chaste. No sex before we are married. So that is why she is so eager that I shall talk to Pantalone. To Petunia. Don’t be sad. I am back soon.

Pulcinella exits

Pet: What a pussyfoot! Discusting! No sex appeal what so ever …and then I, best looking, snazziest princess girl – ever. I’ll have Florindo beat the living shit out of that lowlife drooler. Yes! I just knew he was a nhero.

Filed in 1 Commedia dell'Arte, Example texts | Comment Now

Posted on 2021-12-06 by Micke Klingvall

Pantalone and Dottore makes a deal

Here is a scene From ”Where is the Book” opened in 2014 in Stockholm, then toured Finland and the north of Sweden.

It was decided that Pantalones son Flavio should marry Doralice, but then Pantalone laid his own eyes on her…

Pant: Well, you and me, we like each other and so…

Dott: Admittedly …

Pant: Then we can talk openly. It is about the wedding.

Dott: What about it?

Pant: I thought… Just a tiny, little change…

Dott: What?

Pant: I mean: why is it precisely Flavio that shall marry?

Dott: Who else?

Pant: Let me explain this way. We have know each other for quite some time now?

Dott: Yes…

Pant: So, when we marry…

Dott: We?????!!!!!

Pant: Well the actual wedding night…

Dott: Stopp! Stopp!! Stopp!!! Take it easy! Cool the screws! Rest the cymbals! I just say: Forget it! It will not happen!

Pant: Why not?

Dott: Well … I am flattered, but … There is nothing wrong with you… It is me… You are not my type.

Pant: That doesn’t matter?

Dott: It does – for me anyway.

Pant: Listen up: when I marry Doralice …

Dott: Doralice?

Pant: Off Course.

Dott: Aha! Then I understand! Well, I guess it doesn’t matter whoever marries her as long as she gets out of the house …
But, tell me: Have you thought about the… age difference?

Pant: No, why?

Dott: It is rather large, so to speak.

Pant: Ah, she will grow away from that. …and in the meantime I can find a new.

Dott: Well, in that case. Then you will marry instead. As long as there will be a great wedding party.

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Posted on 2021-11-29 by Micke Klingvall

Lelio ask Arlecchino to help him find a doctor

From “Pulcinella – the Miracle Doctor” opened 2001 in Stockholm then toured the north of Norway, Finlad and Sweden

Pulcinella has mistakenly been convinced to play doctor in order to cure Flaminia who has became mute. Now Lelio meets Arlecchino, and ask him for help to cure Flaminia.

Lel: Arlecchino, you must help Flaminia! She has become mute !

Arl: Mute?

Lel: Yes!

Arl: Aha! I’ll fix!

Reaching out his hand – gets money

Lel: So how will you do it?

Arl: First she will have to tell me…

Lel: She is mute!

Arl: Mute?

Lel: Yes!

Arl: Aha! I’ll fix!

Reaching out his hand – gets money

Lel: Yes, but how will you do it?

Arl: I’ll speak with her and then…

Lel: She is mute!!!

Arl: Mute?

Lel: Yes!

Arl: Aha! I’ll fix!

Reaching out his hand – gets money

Lel: Yes, yes, but now tell me how you will cure her?

Arl: I’ll read from the doctor’s handbook…

Lel: You can’t read!

Arl: Can’t I?

Lel: No.

Arl: Well, then Flaminia has to read for me…

Lel: She is mute!!!

Arl: Mute?

Lel: Yes!

Arl: Aha! I’ll fix!

Reaching out his hand

Lel: IDIOT!!!

Lelio beats Arlecchin and, grabs him by the neck.

Lel: She can not speak. She needs a doctor!

Arl: Aha! Pulcinella has become doctor, but we had to beat him first. Like this…

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Posted on 2021-11-22 by Micke Klingvall

Brighella gets paid

This example comes from ”Where´s the Book?” from 2014.
Dottore is looking for his book that he needs to remember how to marry his daughter with Pantalone. When Brighella comes by he asks for help…

Dott: …and not here either. Brighella enters and Dottore sees him. But what is this? An antagonist?
Bunce away Brighella with his stomach. Oh, but see… It is Brighella. Why are you lying here, littering the stage, you green sop?
Well, I got an idea! Come here you snoopy half lizard! I have a bright proposition to you my highly esteemed friend.
Turns. You shall nose out my book, my ”Presiding Official at Marriage for Dummies”, that just has been removed from my instantaneous physical approximation. Understood?
Turns. It is big, black and of colossal importance Comprehend? Turns. It is needed when one marries away people. Get it!
Turns This publication shell be returned to my most eminent person.

Bri: I shall find your book, that is?

Dott: Right.

Bri: …and what do I get for it?

Dott: Fame and honor.

Bri: I think I would like something else…

Dott: My eternal gratitude

Bri: How about something more material…

Dott: An ice-cream?

Bri: …something from this? Points at his purse

Dott: Aha! You want a bit. Here you are.

Bri: That was kind of you Dottore. Steels the bit.

Dott: Oh yes, just look at it … What? The bit is stolen! Help! Jumps up in Brighella’s arms. Here are desperados!

Bri: Well, take it easy, Dottore… Puts him down Trust me. I have taken a correspondence course in detectivery . I can find the bandit and the bit.

Dott: Will you do that for me?

Bri: For a small sum…

Dott: Here, have a bit.

Bri: Thank you, but what did the bit look like?

Dott: Like this one.

Bri: I’ll take care of it so I can identify the first one when I see it.

Dott: Clever.

Bri: And then I need one for proof…

Dott: Take this one.

Bri: And what will you give me for the labor?

Dott: Fame and ho…

Bri: No, no, no… but, maybe a small commission …

Dott: Here you are.

Bri: …an economic compensation…

Dott: Off Course.

Bri: …a fee…

Dott: Please enjoy.

Bri: … poundage …

Dott: Now it is finished.

Bri: Too bad. I have to go now. See you later!

Dott: Wait! Stop! You can have more when you found the book. I have more in the bank.

Bri: Well in that case…. Out

Dott: Well, I guess I will have o plan the wedding menu. Let’s see goose liver pâté, shellfish plateau, maybe truffle… Out

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Posted on 2021-11-17 by Micke Klingvall

Arlecchino and Zanni gets a job

From”The Miracle Doctor” opened in 2101 in Stockholm, then toured northern Norway and Sweden.

Arl: In Oh, I am so hungry I could eat a horse.

Zan: In Oh, I am so hungry I could eat a donkey.

Arl: Oh, I am so hungry I could eat you.

Zan: Oh, I am so hungry I could… What do I taste?

Zanni bites his arm.

Ao!!

Bri: In Are you hungry?

Arl / Zan: Yes!

Bri: Do you want food?

Arl / Zan: Yes!

Bri: Do you need money?

Arl / Zan: Yes!

Bri: Do you want to earn some money?

Arl / Zan: Yes!

Bri: Then you will get a job…

Arl / Zan: No!

Bri: If you don’t work you won’t get any money and then you won’t get any food. Don’t you want food?

Arl / Zan: Yes!

Bri: Then you must work!

Arl / Zan: OK – We want to work.

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Posted on 2021-11-08 by Micke Klingvall

The Lovers Tries to Meet

Here is a dialoge from ”Where´s the Book?” made in 2014.
Flavio and Doralice are coming on the stage and trying to meet each other. I guess you can see this as much as an example of a short scene as of a lazzo.

Fla: Oh Doralice. Come here.

Dor: But I am here. I’ll go over there instead.

Fla: Then I go there too. They change places

Dor: But why did you go there? Now you are over there.

Fla: No, I am here.

Dor: You are there and I am here.

Fla: Where?

Dor: Here!

Fla: Where I am?

Dor: No, you are over there.

Fla: But that is where you are.

Dor: Now I will go over there where you are. Goes Look! You are here and I am there.

Fla: Yes! Then I’ll go there to. Goes looking for her Doralice!

Dor: Now you are there.

Fla: Aha!

Dor: Then I will go over there.

Fla: Then I will go over here.

They go

Dor: But now you are there.

Fla: No, I am here.

Dor: But you went there.

Fla: No I went here. You went there.

Dor: But I am here.

Fla: That doesn’t work.

Dor: And why not?

Fla: Occupied!

Dor: No, look here… Hon goes to him

Fla: I am comming! He goes to here Made it!

Dor: But now you are here.

Fla: No, for I am there.

Dor: I’ll go now!

Fla: So do I!

They go, but bump into each other and start singing

Filed in 1 Commedia dell'Arte, Example texts | Comment Now

Posted on 2021-11-02 by Micke Klingvall

Pantalone demands to sit down

Here is an example from ”Sex/six failures and a chair” played by my students in 2014.

Pant: In But look… Hi once again! Are you still sitting here staring? Don’t you have any homes? And isn’t this that lazy bastard again? I feel as though I have been through this before… Zanni. ZANNI!!!

Zanni jumps up in In Pantalone’s arms.

Zan: Hi Pantalone!

Pant: Get away from me, you toerag!

Pantalone throws Zanni down

What have I said about sleeping on the job?

Zan: That it’s nice.

Pant: No!

Zan: That it’s healthy.

Pant: No!!

Zan: That it’s delectation.

Pant: Nooo!!! I said that if I see you once more sitting around, lazing when you should be straining and striving, I will flog you until you don’t know your own name.

Zan: Yes! That’s it! And then you will tear me into pieces and bang my head in and…

Pant: No! That was if I caught you stealing food.

Zan: Aha! Then you would spank me black and blue and then tickle me to death…

Pant: No! That was if you were feign work.

Zan: It is very difficult to remember what punishment goes to which …

Pant: That doesn’t matter! You shall work and suffer!

Zan: OK! But what shall I do?

Pant: As I told you in the first scene: You are supposed to give me that new, super expensive chair over there, so that I can sit on it.

Zan: Aha!

Pant: So I will sit down.…

Pantalone falls

Zan: Here you are..

Pant: But your little long nosed rascal, now I am sitting on the floor!

Zan: Then I will sit on the chair.

Pant: You don’t!!! You are going to help me up.

Zan: OK.

Zanni helps Pantalone up on his feet

Pant: So, now you give me the chair …

Zan: Yes.

Pant: …and I sit down.

Pantalone falls

Zan: Here you are….

Pant: But you mush brained dickybird! Now I am sitting on the floor again!!!!

Zan: Are you meditating?

Pant: You ludicrous birdbrain!…

Zan: Can you feel inner peace?

Pant: When I get up you will feel my outer anger!!!
Help me up now!!!!

Zan: OK.

Zanni helps Pantalone up on his feet

Pant: Now I will crush your little phony bike! I will jump on your balcony! I will trash your begonias… And so on

Pantalone hits Zanni who ducks, then he chase Zanni round until Zanni gests down in order to hide. Pantalone stumbles on him and does a somersault (or os flip or roll or something) and land sitting on the chair.

Pant: So where were we?

Filed in Example texts | Comment Now

Posted on 2021-10-25 by Micke Klingvall

Pulcinella explain to Coviello

Here is an example dialog between Pulcinella and Coviello from ”Squabble” I show I made in 2020 for Cultimedia.

Pul: In In Come on now you sluggish sack of flour!

Cov: In Here am I… quick as a flash!

Pul: Wouldn’t think so…

Cov: Not?

Pul: No! Well, do you know why we are here?

Cov: Ohh yes!

Pul: So why?

Cov: Eeehhhh…..

Pul: Idiot!

Cov: Coviello, how do you do.

Pul: You are an idiot!

Cov: And you are Coviello?

Pul: No! You are Coviello, dumbass!

Cov: Aha! Hello, Dumbass.

Pul: What in all fu… You are a dumbass!!!

Cov: Who are Coviello then?

Pul: It is you!!!

Cov: Help! I have become schizophrenic.

Pul: I give up. You can be whoever you want to. Listen now….

Coviello acts as if he is someone else, someone famous or someone local

What are you doing?
Cov: I am _____________and I am doing _____________.

Pul: You are not and you are not doing that!!! You are Coviello and now you listen.

Cov: Do I? To what?

Pul: To me!

Cov: Aha.

Pul: We have come here to look for work. Do you understand?

Cov: Yes.

Pul: Good! And now we will go look for an employer. Do you understand that?

Cov: Yes.

Pul: Good! There we will explain how strong and loyal you are. Have you understood that to?

Cov: Yes.

Pul: Good! Then you will work hard the whole week. Is that clear?

Cov: Yes.

Pul: Good. Then you just have to come here to me with the money you made. Heve you got that to

Cov: No.

Pul: But is so hard to understand? We are here to look for work. We shall look up an employer and tell him how strong you are, then you will work until you get a salary that you will give to me!

Cov: Aha!

Pul: Do you understand?

Cov: No-o!

Pul: But you dubble idiot to a phlegmatic birdbrain… You! You! You…

Cov: Are you angry?

Pul: Not at all, just a little, little teeny weeny bit irritated!!!!

Ad lib the rest of the scene until Coviello finally gets it.

Note that the Coviello is here more of a Stupino as invented by Gina Bastoni at Dell’Arte International in Blue Lake, California. It is just that I don’t want to rename him for some reason.

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Commedia dell'Arte & Vulgar Comedy

Raggadaggadang!

Pulcinella tries to convince Zanni to dress up as a Isabella

Pulcinella thinks Petunia is in love with him

Pantalone and Dottore makes a deal

Lelio ask Arlecchino to help him find a doctor

Brighella gets paid

Arlecchino and Zanni gets a job

The Lovers Tries to Meet

Pantalone demands to sit down

Pulcinella explain to Coviello

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